Weird that I’m about to share my first orgasm story with you huh. I know, I feel about it too but I just couldn’t help but compare sex talk with our parents then and the now “modern” parenting.
Some of you may relate to what you’re about to read so let’s just have a good laugh, shall we?
My parents never taught me anything about sex because they said it’s a topic for adults. I wasn’t allowed to watch movies that were R-rated. I remember the number of times either of my folks will quickly change the channel when something as harmless as a kissing scene came up in a movie.
I wasn’t allowed to ask questions about relationships or sex or anything remotely close to it. “You are still a child,” they will say. Each time they said that to me, I got increasingly curious, I mean what was the big deal about sex that my parents moved heaven and earth to make sure I didn’t know about it.
They were strict with me. I wasn’t allowed to have male friends. I wasn’t allowed to go out except for school or church. I wasn’t allowed any visitation from my friends because they feared my friends will “poison” my mind with their negative upbringing. I wasn’t allowed to use a phone and all the books I read at home were scrutinized. No Mills and Boon or Harlequin or any romantic novels to give me the wrong idea. As if that ever worked! LOL. I had a bunch of romantic novels stashed somewhere that I read time to time. It was my little secret.
I remember the advice my mum gave me when I had my first period. I remember it as if it was yesterday. She said, “You’re now a woman. Stay away from boys or you will get pregnant”. That was it. She said that was the best sex talk she could give me. I was 13 years old so her advice wasn’t relevant. At that age, I didn’t know anything about boys anyway, and so it was fine by me.
Growing up I didn’t really mind all the restrictions till I reached 18, and I realized I liked boys. I didn’t want to fall on my friends or the internet for sex advice so I went to my parents again to ask them. I had questions about sex positions, orgasm, menstrual cycle, contraceptives, kissing, everything that my curious mind kept wondering. I didn’t want to beat around the bush so I went straight to them and asked “What is an orgasm and what does it mean when someone ask, ‘Does size matter?’”.
I remember my mum gasping and my dad just stared as if he was silently planning on how to kill me in my sleep that night. My mum was the first to recover and she asked “Where did you hear that from?” Before I could answer, my dad calmly asked me to sit down, I hesitated for a second but eventually I did.
He said to me, “Sweetheart, the internet is filled with so many crazy things. People write a whole bunch of crap out of loneliness and unrealistic fantasies. Do not believe everything you read on the internet”.
“So what is an orgasm dad and what do they mean by does size matter?” I asked.
He replied “It’s nothing. It’s just something some crazy woman somewhere conjured to make women feel they are supposed to experience that when they have sex with their husbands but it’s not”.
“Let me tell you something, honey. Sex is overrated. A lot of people do crazy things just for a minute of pleasure. People buy houses, cars, even cheat on their partners because of sex. Sex is evil. It destroys homes. People learn all sort of crazy sex positions on the internet, movies and books so they can try with their spouses which isn’t right. The good Lord did not intend that for us. And when it doesn’t go right, they blame their partners. People have pre-marital sex and so when the sex isn’t what they were getting in their marriages, it creates problems for them. Our Lord, knew all these that’s why he commanded we wait till marriage before having sex.
He continued, “You know we are Christians, those sex positions are demonic. The female and male genital isn’t some “candy” that one is supposed to put in their mouth. You have sex the way God intended. The man on top of the woman. You last for about two minutes and you’re both good. No weird sex positions or that crazy information on the internet.” A woman doesn’t need orgasm. Satisfy your husband, that’s what’s important. The man is the head of the home, be submissive and respectful to your husband and don’t nag. Men hate women who try to question their authority or make them feel less of a man. Men hate that.”
Now the issue about whether or not size matters and by size, sweetheart, they mean urrmmm, they mean errrmmm”. I could see my dad sweating profusely but he managed to put himself together and then continued. “By size, they mean the size of the man’s you know, thing”.
“Oh! You mean, the penis”, I replied.
“Yes.” He said. Size doesn’t matter. What you need in marriage is God and Children and your mum and I have that. The others are irrelevant. A man doesn’t need a “know it all” woman. A man wants to come home to a peaceful home, with his food ready so he can eat in peace. Don’t try to be smarter than your husband.”
As he went on, different thoughts run through my head, and a lot more questions kept popping up. “Do you want to know how your mum and I have stayed married for 20 years without any problems?” he asked. “Because we don’t bother ourselves with such nonsense.”
I was happy because I was finally getting my folks to tell me about the one thing they’d barred me from reading or talking about for much of my teenage years. Speaking of folks, I realized that day how quiet my mum was. I turned to her and asked if she had anything to add to what my dad had said. She looked at me for about a second or two and said “My girl, I hope someday you meet a man who will give you a mind-blowing sex, someone who will go down on you, try all the sex positions and kiss you like there is no tomorrow.” “Men are also supposed to love their wives” Your father unfortunately forgot to add that.
“And oh”, she continued by looking directly at my dad and yelling, “SIZE REALLY DOES MATTER, YOU GREEDY MAN!”
After that unexpected twist of event, I realized that I had more questions than ever, like what was actually going on between my mum and dad? And most importantly, he was telling me the truth.
I decided to put a stop to my pursuit in finding answers to my questions and focus on my studies and future. One thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to wait till marriage before having sex. It was a promise I made to my parents and I wanted to keep that promise. It wasn’t easy as my attraction for boys grew and the eagerness to experience pleasure grew rapidly but I held on till I met my husband, Cyril.
Cyril had lived in Holland all his life and decided to come to Ghana to settle and start his own business. We met through a mutual friend and it was love at first sight…I think. There was something about him that got me intrigued by him.
He is adventurous, loves to live in the moment and is open-minded but for me, my upbringing was totally different. I guess it was that difference in personality that made me love him. He challenges me.
He will buy me clothes that I knew if my parents saw me in would probably end their lives but I had to explain to him over and over again that I wasn’t ready to commit murder.
Everything he taught me was a total 180 for me and the incident with my parents readily came into mind. So who was right? My mum or my dad? I shared everything I knew especially my father’s stance on women and orgasm. He simply laughed and said to me “I cannot wait for you to experience your first orgasm”.
Two years later, Cyril and I got married and on the night of our honeymoon, let’s just say I never knew what the mouth could do till that night. Cyril pleased me in ways I never thought would be possible. Every sex position he told me about, we tried. We finally got some sleep around 2am.
We’ve been married for three years, with a beautiful baby girl and this beautiful man still makes me feel wonderful in and out of bed. He knows every curve of my body. He knows where to touch.
It’s almost 7am and Cyril is taking his bath so we can have some breakfast. While sharing my story with you guys, I just chanced upon another interesting sex position on the internet. I am going to join my husband in the bathroom so we can try that.
My husband gave me my first orgasm and it was worth the wait. Shout out to Mills & Boon, their books helped too. LOL.
By Geraldine Amaning
The writer is a producer at 3FM